What The Hell Is That??

one day my Mommy came home with something for me. cool, i thought! was it a new toy? a treat? catnip?? it was none of those things. she got me a blue collar. why the heck would i need a collar?? she forbids me from going outside (although it was the middle of winter, so i was happy i didn't have to go out there!). i was a little wary of it. she tried to put it on me. OH MY GOSH! it was absolute torture! i tried to get it off me, and somehow my paw got stuck so that it was almost choking me. Mommy felt horrible! here i am struggling to get this thing off, and then she was struggling to get it off me, too, because it was causing me harm! my claws were catching her hands everywhere, and she was pretty red. finally, she worked it off of me. whew!! i was so glad to be free of that thing! however, 5 minutes later, she puts it back on me again!! this time it was a little tighter, and i couldn't get my paw stuck or anything. i'm sure she was relieved that i wouldn't be all choking again, but i was pissed!! i spent a good half hour rolling around on the rug trying my best to get that thing off me. finally i just gave up. i think i've had the collar off of me twice since then. she keeps it on me in case i somehow "get lost." where does she think i'm going to get lost???? she's whacked, i tell you. some days i wonder how i manage to stay here!!